Category Archives: General

The Boys’ Club Perception Test

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I am pleased to post the latest blog that I have written on gender bias and boys’ clubs. This one was published, gratefully, by Entrepreneur: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/274623

We read a lot about “Boys’ Clubs”. They are power circles of men, mostly white, who control, formally or informally, organizations or silos within them.

The gender demographics of the senior leadership team may be relevant but are in no way dispositive as to whether a boys’ club exists. I have seen organizations with senior leadership teams lacking in gender diversity that are not, in my opinion, run by a boys’ clubs. Conversely, I have seen organizations where the numbers at the top look good in terms of gender diversity but a core “boys’ clubs” calls the shots.

So, how do you know if you have a boys’ club? Of course, there is no test. So, I have a created one.

Warning from this lawyer — write your answers on a piece of paper and then throw away. Don’t want your self-evaluation to be used against you in litigation by a plaintiffs’ lawyer.

Emotions of this management lawyer — I want to scream about my prior warning. There should be strong privilege against discovery for critical self-assessment with eye toward increasing equality, maximizing compliance, etc.

Now, as for each of the five questions:

  1. If you generally agree, answer A
  2. If you are not sure, answer B
  3. If you generally disagree, answer C

The five questions:

  1. We don’t have a boys’ club.
  2. We don’t need a formal system to ensure equal access to meaningful opportunities; merit will prevail.
  3. More than a few of our sales and sales strategies informally take place in bars.
  4. I think the gender pay gap is attributable not only to employer practices but also to employee choices.
  5. Women mentoring women is essential to shutting down the boys’ club.

1. We don’t have a boys’ club.
Almost everyone knows that boys’ clubs exist. But many believe that they exist only at the employer next store. Certitude is a good thing. But, on this issue, a little doubt is a good thing. So give yourself:

  • Two points for A
  • Zero points for B and C

2. We don’t need a formal system to ensure equal access.
Often the gender gap at the top is because women don’t have the opportunities they need to get there. Absence of meaningful opportunities also contributes to the gender pay gap. There is no one system always works. But “no system” never works.

No system often leads to what the EEOC calls “like me” bias. Those in charge of opportunities give them to those just like them — often other men. So some vehicle to measure equal access to opportunity is essential. Merit will prevail but only if there is equal access to opportunity. Time to score it:

  • Two points for A
  • One points for B
  • Zero points for C

3. Sales and strategy meetings informally take place in bars.
Social inclusion is a form of business inclusion. Information is shared, strategies are developed and relationships formed and/or cemented. Of course, many men don’t relish business in bars. And, there are women who do. But the local watering hole is often the club house for the boys’ club. The same is true of the golf course. Okay, let’s score it:

  • Two points for A
  • Zero points for B and C

4. Pay gap due to employer practices and employee choices.
There is no doubt that there is a gender pay gap. Those who doubt it sound as credible as men who deny the existence of labor pains because they never have experienced them. But, the gender gap is not due solely to employer practices. If you step out of the game to be the primary caregiver, when you step back in, you will make less. And women are still more likely than men to be primary caregivers.

As for points, the pattern you may have predicted no longer holds.

  • Subtract 1 point if you picked A (you have thought about the issue).
  • No points for B or C but, if you picked C, you may see bias in certain cases where it does not exist.

5. Women mentoring women will shut down the boys club.
No. And here’s why:

  • There are fewer women at the top so women mentoring women will deprive women disproportionately of access to the top.
  • The burden of gender equality cannot be put entirely on women (particularly since men and women alike benefit from it).
  • The benefits to cross-gender matching are significant in terms of what each gender can impart and learn

Let’s score this one:

  • Two points for A
  • Zero points for B
  • Subtract one point if you picked C (again, very thoughtful)

Now, add up all of your points, subtracting points where you have earned them.

If you have five points or more, you may have a boys’ club, but don’t see it. If you have fewer than five points, you still may have a boys’ club, but you are primed to help dismantle it; please do.

That Difficult Conversation

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Please enjoy my latest article for SHRM’s HR Magazine.

Every HR professional and manager has had to have a tough talk with an employee about his or her performance. Sometimes it is in the context of an annual appraisal. Other times, it may be a final warning prior to termination. But regardless of when the discussion happens, careful planning is necessary. Otherwise, the wrong things may be said or done, and difficult conversations can quickly evolve into difficult lawsuits. Here are 11 tips to help take some of the pain—and risk—out of those closed-door meetings.

1. Don’t Delay

Understandably, many of us defer uncomfortable confrontations. But while we’re procrastinating, the employee may be well-aware that a performance discussion is in the offing—and may use that to his or her advantage. For example, the individual may consult with a lawyer and allege a legal wrong, engage in protected activity, or take protected leave.

When situations like these occur, they put you in a tough spot. That’s because when you finally have the difficult conversation you’ve put off for so long, it may appear retaliatory.

Delaying only gives the employee power to make a pre-emptive strike. If you must defer the discussion, document what the conversation will be about, when it will occur and why you have to wait to talk at that particular time.

2. Avoid Chitchat

People often try to break the ice at the beginning of a difficult conversation with casual chatter. It is understandable but problematic. No good can come from starting with “How is your daughter recovering from her surgery?” Well-intentioned though it may be, this question could result in a discrimination claim under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).

Treat the person respectfully, but don’t engage in small talk to put off the issue. Acknowledge immediately that this is going to be a difficult conversation about serious performance issues.

3. Document in Writing

Ideally, you should prepare two documents before meeting with the employee. The first lists talking points for yourself; the second is a document for the employee.

Consider giving the memo (or appraisal) to the worker at the beginning of the meeting and allowing him or her a short period of time to review it. After all, you have (hopefully) spent considerable time writing it, so give the employee some time to digest it before you begin discussing the situation.

4. Provide Examples

Of course, you should broadly identify where an employee’s performance has fallen short, such as in the area of customer service. However, without more information, such generalities provide little guidance. They also don’t offer the employer much support in the event of a claim.

Provide a number of specific behavioral examples of times when the employee did not meet objectives. If you are recounting only a small sampling of many such incidents, make that clear.

5. Avoid Focusing on Intent

When an employee fails relative to performance expectations, the employer may be disappointed or even angry. You may want to say, “You don’t care” or “You’re not trying.” This is ill-advised, for multiple reasons.

First, intent is largely irrelevant. The issue is results.

Second, you can’t prove intent. An employee has the upper hand in being able to demonstrate how hard he or she has tried.

Finally, by impugning intent, you are, albeit unconsciously, attacking the employee. When attacked, employees fight back.

6. Stay Away from ‘Why?’

It is critical that managers do not inquire or speculate as to whether a physical or emotional condition or a work/life management issue may be giving rise to the performance deficiency. For example, if you ask an employee whether he or she is depressed, the worker may answer, “Not anymore. Now I have a perceived disability claim under the ADA.”

That does not mean that you should not try to help. Just don’t speculate as to the reason for the performance deficiency.

There are plenty of supportive things you can say, such as, “We want you to succeed. Is there anything we can do to help?”

If the employee mentions a disability, condition or religious belief, you must begin an interactive dialogue.

7. Make No Excuses

No employer is perfect, and sometimes an employee’s failings are due to those of the organization. If that is the case, the worker should not be held accountable.

However, too often managers say things like, “It’s probably just as much our fault as it is yours,” simply to soften the blow.

That can come back to haunt you. In fact, in a case I handled many years ago, an employee used a similar statement from his employer as evidence that the organization was at fault rather than the worker and that the reason given for terminating the employee was a pretext.

Don’t take responsibility unless you are responsible.

8. Watch for Code Words

Of course, before having a difficult conversation, you need to make sure that there is no bias. However, even when the employer has a legitimate cause for complaint, sometimes individuals use words that may hint at discrimination.

For example, what might be the problem with labeling one employee as “too emotional” and another as “too rigid”? If you guessed possible gender and age discrimination, respectively, you are correct.

In the first instance, an employee yelled and then failed to meet her deadlines. In the second, the individual refused to do what was being required of him.

The behaviors were unacceptable, but the labels suggested bias.

9. Avoid Absolutes

I remember in law school hearing “always avoid always and never say never.” That’s because absolutes are absolutely assailable.

It takes only one example to the contrary, and the statement you have made is no longer accurate and may be evidence of pretext. The argument: You are exaggerating in an attempt to “get” the employee because he or she is [fill in the protected category].

In difficult discussions, it’s better to say “almost always” or “almost never.”

10. Listen

Give employees an opportunity to talk. Sometimes the worker has a valid point—or may provide clues as to why he or she is underperforming. With that may come a road map for improvement.

As important as what the employee says is what he or she doesn’t say. If an individual says nothing and later claims he or she was denied a needed accommodation, the prior silence may help the employer defend itself from the employee’s subsequent lawsuit.

11. Clarify Expectations

Yes, you need to clarify what the problems are. But you must also articulate what your expectations are going forward.

Set specific objectives and talk about when you will meet to discuss them—then do it.

Remember, the primary objective of the difficult discussion is not to create a record that can withstand scrutiny. That is the secondary purpose.

Rather, your first goal is to enable the employee to make the needed improvements so that both he or she and the organization can succeed.

 

#NLRB Says “I’m Sorry”

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Please enjoy my latest blog post from the SHRM blog.

In a stunning legal development, the NLRB issued on this morning, April 1, 2016, a public apology for gutting employer rules designed to increase civility and respect. Before reading the apology, please listen to Brenda Lee sing “I’m Sorry.” It will help get you in the mood.

The statement of the General Counsel to the NLRB stated, in pertinent part:

We recognize that rules that promote civility and respect are important to create healthy workplaces. Indeed, while incivility and disrespect are not unlawful, they create an atmosphere in which bullying and unlawful harassment may thrive.

The General Counsel continued:

Further, rules that promote civility and respect do not discourage employees from engaging in protected concerted activity. To the contrary, they encourage thoughtful dialogue on many things, including the terms and conditions of employment.

In a personal note, the General Counsel apologized:

I’m deeply sorry for indirectly promoting incivility and disrespect by filing complaints against employers trying to maximize civility and respect. So there is no confusion, the following rule is lawful and will not be challenged by the NLRB: We expect all employees to treat each other, including their supervisors, with civility and respect.

The General Counsel concluded by saying:

Yes, respect for supervisors, too. The demonization of management stops today. Indeed, we thank managers for all they do to help employers thrive so that jobs survive.

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoyed this APRIL FOOLS’ BLOG.

Politics and Work: 7 Guardrails for Leaders

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I am pleased to share my latest blog for Entrepreneur: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/270670?utm_source=Social&utm_medium=Sharebar&utm_campaign=Sumome_share

For years, we have witnessed a stark partisan divide. Some families have rules — no politics at dinner.

For employers, it is neither practical nor desirable to prohibit all conversations in the workplace. Indeed, to do so is legally dangerous.

Political conversations that relate to terms and conditions of employment may be protected. One can easily see how many political issues have workplace implications, like the gender pay gap, LGBT rights, religious liberty, Obamacare, paid leave, unions, immigration, etc. I think you get the point.

Still, the political divide can create workplace divides that are unhealthy. So here are some guardrails for leaders to minimize the risk that the inevitable will turn into the incendiary:

1. Remember your role as a leader.

If you are a leader, you don’t forfeit your rights to have political views. But be thoughtful about how you express them. You don’t want to suggest those who disagree with you are idiots. Yes, politics is a diversity issue, and we cannot exclude from the talent pool those with divergent political views.

2. Know your audience.

Some people take differing political views very personally. Unfortunately, in my view, many in both political parties demonize the opposition — so they serve as bad role models for the rest of us.

Make sure, before you talk politics, that there is a good working relationship. I enjoy good political discourse and that includes respectful disagreement — but only with those with whom I have a strong underlying relationship.

3. Focus on the positive.

Yes, you read it right. Safer to talk about whom you support than to talk about whom you loathe.Stated otherwise, it is one thing to say support A. It is another to bash B.

4. Think public versus private.

With a close colleague, a one-on-one dialogue (not diatribe) may be fine. I would stay away from the hard-core political in group meetings or leadership communications.

5. Listen.

I don’t mean to sound condescending (that means talk down), but listen to those with different views. You may learn a lot about them in a way that helps you work better with them.

At the risk of delving into political waters, someone who is a strong libertarian may not like “big employer” any more than they like “big brother.” That does not mean you should abdicate your management rights. But it may inform how you exercise your influence with the employee.

6. Careful of discriminatory language.

The candidates differ in terms of their age, ethnicity, gender, race and religion (in alpha order), among other factors. Comments that focus on what are “protected factors” under the employment laws are deeply problematic.

“Too old.” “Too religious.” You got the point. Don’t go there.

7. Respond proactively if you become aware of potential problems.

I confess that I enjoy watching debates. And, I can appreciate knockout punches regardless of whether I like the person throwing one.

In a workplace, there is no room for knockout punches. If you see temperatures are rising, intervene. Consider: “While we may have very different political views, we have at least one thing in common — we want X. [X is your mission, a specific project, etc.] So let’s focus on that.”

If comments reasonably could be seen as biased, you all but must respond. When you are a leader, there is no such thing as a passive bystander when bias is concerned. So, if inherent in the criticisms of a candidate is the person’s age, ethnicity, etc., make clear it’s not okay. It’s not.

Enough. Everyone back to work.

10 Keys to HR Grassroots Advocacy

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I am pleased to share my latest post to the SHRM blog: http://blog.shrm.org/blog/10-keys-to-hr-grass-roots-advocacy-0 

We all know the importance of grassroots advocacy. How we go about it may make the difference in whether our message is, in fact, heard. Here are ten (10) keys to consider to maximize the value of your efforts:

1. Follow draft legislation

Of course, you should track bills in your jurisdiction. Look to see where they are in the legislative process and the purported level of support.

But you also should be mindful of developments in other jurisdictions too, particularly neighboring jurisdictions. While all politics is local, there are trends that we ignore at our peril.

2. Evaluate bills – think critically

When evaluating a bill, consider not only the short‑term but also the long‑term impact. While some bills may have laudable intent, there may be adverse consequences.

For example, mandated sick pay may sound appealing, at least at first blush. But it limits an employer’s ability to design a workplace-flexibility program that reflects the needs of its workforce and meets the needs of employers. One size does not fit all.

3. Know your representatives

Whether at the federal or state level, you need to know your representatives. Visit them. And, invite them to meet with you and others.

Of course, there will be times it will be hard for you to have direct contact with them. Develop relationships with their staffers, too. Relationships with them can be the key to success and, in most instances, staff are more accessible than your representative.

4. Build positive relationships

You don’t want to be seen as someone simply making an “ask.” Make public policy a two‑way street.

Offer yourself, and your company, as a valuable resource for HR knowledge. Share with your representative’s staff research from SHRM (among other sources) as well as non-confidential information on your own organization to help inform their decisions.

This can be particularly helpful in the early stages with proposed legislation. At this point, the representative may have not staked out a view.

5. Get others involved

HR should not go it alone. Consider involving others in your organization, such as your CEO. Also, look at external organizations, such as trade or professional associations, with which you can partner. Look both nationally and locally as well.

6. Legal considerations

Do not forget that whatever you say may be discoverable. So, breathe deeply before responding to a bill that you think could threaten your survival.

Imagine a letter in which someone threatens to close down if a bill is enacted and then the bill is enacted and the employer shuts down. The letter could be the fodder for a legal claim.

One way to counter this is to make sure we discuss issues in a factual, measured terms. Some organizations often use the most bellicose terms to describe what will happen if a bill becomes law.

Stay above that fray and speak in direct, clear, and accurate terms. It gives your advocacy pitch more credibility.

7. Don’t forget yourself

Yes, there are personal considerations, too. Check with your employer before taking any public position.

It is possible that your employer may not want you to support or oppose a bill for reasons related to an important client, customer, your organization’s brand or other relationship.

You won’t know if you don’t ask. If you don’t ask, you might not keep your job.

8. HR considerations

Assume your workforce will find out what you say. Accordingly, make sure what you have said is defensible in terms of content and tone.

For example, I would avoid loss of profits when it comes to proposed minimum wage increases that are too high. I would talk about what the potential consequences on employees may be: there is only so much money for wages so a large increase in the minimum wage may result a contraction in the wage range, hurting our long-term employees.

9. Be practical

Pick your battles carefully. You may not want to oppose a bill that has almost unanimous bi-partisan support.

You also don’t want to give life to an issue that is dead. So be careful of over-reacting by giving a bill that is going nowhere publicity so that goes it somewhere.

10. Meet with your representatives

Under this category, six (6) recommendations:

  • Treat your meeting or interaction with an elected official’s office like any other business meeting. Come prepared, bring your business cards and discuss the issues in a professional, business-like way. Make sure you follow-up from the meeting with the staffer.
  • Do not make any assumptions with regard to the representative’s position or even knowledge of the bill. In fact, even if the representative’s name is on the bill, it does not necessarily follow that he or she supports it or even has read it.
  • Do not attack the motives of the representative. That only invites defensiveness, at the very least.
  • Explain the bill, in succinct terms, so that the representative knows what you are talking about. Discuss how the bill will affect your organization, one of his/her constituents. Even if he or she has read it, it is not likely to be top‑of‑mind.
  • Explain your position. In this regard, do not simply explain the pros or cons of the bill. State what you ultimately hope the legislator will do.
  • Don’t ask for the impossible. In some cases, it may not be politically possible for the representative to oppose (or support) a bill. However, it may be possible for him or her to remain silent.

Hope these suggestions are of some help. Okay, now let’s do it!

Why Being the Model Minority Hurts Asian Americans

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I am pleased to share my latest post to the SHRM blog: http://blog.shrm.org/blog/why-being-the-model-minority-hurts-asian-americans

When Asian Americans are described, we often hear words such as “so smart” or “so successful.” Indeed, Asian Americans are often referred to as the “model minority.”

The reality is that, as a group, broadly defined, Asian Americans largely have been successful. For example, while less than 30% of the general population has a bachelor’s degree, approximately 50% of Asian Americans do.

But calling a group the “model minority” hurts members of the group and can result in discrimination against individuals outside the group. Here’s why:

1. If you are a model minority, and “so smart,” you are not likely to get the help that you very well may need. When we assume individuals are “the model,” they are less likely to get equitable mentoring, support, etc.

2. If you are a model minority, then there is an implication that you may be stronger than others. This can result in bias against individuals who are white or members of other minority groups who in fact are stronger when it comes to a particular job opportunity.

3. With the model minority myth may come higher expectations. Being good is not good enough. We expect more: why isn’t this person as successful “as they should be?” This may result in bias against Asian Americans because of the inflated expectations.

4. Make no mistake about it: there still is material bias against Asian Americans. In some cases, it is unconscious. In other cases, it is blatantly overt. If a group is “so successful,” then why do we need to spend time addressing the real bias that keeps individuals within that group from being successful or even more successful?

5. When individuals talk about Asians as the model minority, there can be a tendency to focus on math and science. This may hurt Asian Americans when they apply for jobs that require strong interpersonal skills. One Asian American shared with me an experience of applying for an HR position and being given an application for an engineering position.

6. The model minority myth also ignores the reality that Asian Americans are a diverse group. This diversity within the Asian American community is often ignored.

7. Finally, the model minority myth may result in isolation. Asian Americans are not part of the white power structure but their concerns sometimes are only modestly addressed in efforts to increase diversity and inclusion. Indeed, at times, Asian Americans may experience outright hostility because of their collective success.

***

Asian Americans are a critical part of the fabric of our workplaces. If we want them to be “so successful,” then we need to stop saying that they are and deal with the bias that sometimes exists, even within the diversity space.

Why the Oscars’ Diversity Issue Matters to All Employers

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I am pleased to share my latest SHRM blog post: http://blog.shrm.org/blog/why-the-oscars-diversity-issue-matters-to-all-employers 

Last night was the 88th broadcast of Academy Awards. And, even if you didn’t watch it, then you know that not one person of color was nominated for an Oscar in the categories of best actor or actress in either a primary or supporting role.

The host was Chris Rock. And, with humor and perspective, he nailed it…effectively by reframing it.

The absence of award nominations for actors of color was less about the nominations themselves and more about the absence of acting opportunities for actors of color. If you don’t have access to the opportunities, then it goes without saying you cannot win.

To quote Chris Rock:

“What I’m trying to say is it’s not about boycotting or anything. It’s just we want opportunity. We want the black actors to get the same opportunities as white actors. That’s it. And not just once. Leo gets a great part every year. All these guys get great parts all the time. But what about the black actors?”

Rock’s comments apply not only to black actors but also to Asian American and Hispanic American actors. Why are there not more roles for actors who are Asian American or Hispanic American?

Now, you may be tempted to say: who cares about Hollywood! Avoid that temptation; access issues are not limited to the entertainment industry.

Outside of Hollywood, we see a glaring absence of diversity in many senior leadership teams. And, there also is a clear gender pay gap in many organizations, even if people debate the degree of the gap.

I would suggest that, in many situations, what we see is the symptom of the underlying problem: the absence of meaningful access to assignments and opportunities that create the credentials for promotions and higher pay. How do we address the access problem?

Well, that goes beyond the scope of this brief blog. But the first step is acknowledging the root of the problem so that we can focus our corrective action there.

Yes, this is about fairness. Fairness always matters.

But there also is the business imperative. Diverse leadership teams are more successful, and you cannot get to the top unless you have had equal opportunity to access along the way.

Last night, Chris Rock rocked it with his root cause analysis. The success of our own organizations will depend, in part, on how we respond to the clarion call to focus on equal access opportunity.

Care For, But Don’t Coddle, Millennials

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I am pleased to share my latest blog for TalentCulture: http://www.talentculture.com/care-for-but-dont-coddle-millennials/

Spend about half an hour Googling for articles on millennials and the workplace, and you will find more written in the last year alone than you will be able to read in a week. How do we attract millennials? What do millennials want? How do we make millennials happy? How do we make millennials feel valued? How do we make millennials feel comfortable?

Then, there are the less public discussions about millennials. In these private conversations, Generation X, baby boomers and traditionalists (and sometimes even older millennials) grouse about what they perceive as an entitlement mentality among some young millennials. Some go as far as to forget the “some.”

From what I have witnessed, there is a jarring juxtaposition between the public and private discourse. This disconnect is disturbing, at best.

Millennials are now the largest part of our workforce. Make no mistake about it; they are an important part not only of the future but also of today. So, we should be thinking about them. A lot.

The problem is that we seem to focus on them to the exclusion of other groups. This boomer worries not enough time is spent on Generation X, for example, the Sheryl Sandbergs and Michael Dells of the world.

Do a Google search focusing on what we need to do attract and retain Generation X. Are you done reading?

From a legal perspective, millennial myopia in the workplace may be evidence of age bias. There is one expression for almost all non-millennials: older workers protected by federal law.

The first year of Generation X turned 50 last year. Soon, all members of Generation X will fall in the federally-protected age group (40 and over).

I also worry that we talk about millennials as though they have monolithic needs and wants. We ignore the substantial diversity among millennials, engaging in the kind of stereotyping we would never do about any race or religion (or, at least, I pray not).

Finally, I worry that the almost obsessive focus on millennials is creating in some millennials that about which some complaint. If leadership mavens worry about your every want and need, it should be no surprise that “I want to be successful” may trail “I want to be comfortable.”

Regarding comfort, no one should have to endure harassment, abusive conduct or even subtle bias or true micro-aggressions. But not every moment of discomfort gives rise to a feeling we needs to articulate, let alone address.

And, for this, I blame those millennials who exhibit such behaviors less than those who have created the expectations giving rise to the actions. No sacred cows, here.

I start with helicopter parents of my generation that have involved themselves too often in their children’s education. And now, some are doing the same in the workplace. “Why did my son not get an A” has become “why did he not get the promotion.”

But it does not stop there. Some of our colleges and universities have gone so far to protect anything that could make anyone feel uncomfortable that that they have not only oppressed dialogue, but they also have infantilized these young adults. As one College President said in exasperation, “This is not a daycare. It’s a University.”

When these young people go from the safe places created for them in the educational space to the real world called the workplace, they sometimes struggle with this reality. When someone does not meet their needs or makes them the slightest bit uncomfortable, they feel microagressed or bullied.

The message is not that we should care less about millennials. The message is that we should apply a more calibrated and balanced approach.

We need to listen to millennials concerns. But we also need to make clear to them what we expect from them.

We need to appreciate the greater focus on life outside of work. But we need to make clear that without happy customers and clients there is no work.

We need to ensure that they do not endure unacceptable conduct. But we need to be clear that feeling uncomfortable does not always mean that someone has done anything wrong.

We need to understand this generation probably has it harder than any preceding it and, with that, a different perspective. But we need to focus on millennials as individuals and not merely the embodiments of generational stereotypes.

Perhaps, and most importantly, we need to care about millennials so that they genuinely feel valued and are productive and entrepreneurial as a result. But we need to be careful not to allow caring to slip into coddling.

When we coddle, we unconsciously satisfy our needs, but we rob millennials of the opportunity to grow. And, in doing so, we limit the growth potential of our organizations.

Adele’s ‘Hello’ & How It Encourages Stalking

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I am pleased to post a blog I wrote for Philadelphia Business Journal on the dangers of turning serious issues into parodies: http://www.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/morning_roundup/2016/02/adele-25-hello-encourages-stalking-duane-morris.html

I love the Adele song Hello. I have listened to it over and over and over again. I was disappointed not to hear her sing it last night at the Grammy awards.

But now I am relieved since I know the painful truth. Adele is “normalizing stalking.”

At least that’s what a group of students have claimed at the University of Oklahoma with support from at least one spokesperson from the University. How can this be?

In retrospect, it should have been obvious to me. The song includes the phrase: “I must have called a thousand times.”

Put aside the fact that Adele makes clear the person was never home. And, she never suggests that she even left a message. Sometimes facts get in the way when you look to make an issue when there is none.

But Adele is not alone. In Olivia Newton-John’s I Honestly Love You, she plaintively sings: “Maybe I hang around here a little more than I should.” Clearly, she, too, is normalizing stalking.

Stalking is an incredibly serious issue. It inflicts physical, emotional and financial harm.

Stalking is also often accompanied by verbal and physical harassment. It is hideous.

When we focus on Hello, we turn a deadly serious topic into what sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit. By going to the extreme, we turn tragedy into parody.

Sadly, this phenomenon is not limited to Hello. There are more than a few examples of groups on college and university campuses morphing sensitivity into satire.

We need to take serious issues seriously. And, that means speaking out against those who make a mockery of them.

Not Your Standard Valentine’s Day Blog

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I am pleased to share my latest post for SHRM on Valentine’s Day in the workplace.

Every year, I write a blog on Valentine’s Day on the risk of infusing Valentine’s Day into the workplace. This is not the same blog, and it is not what you may expect.

 

We all know that the initial purpose of Valentine’s Day was for individuals to express their love to those whom they love in a non-platonic way. I was tempted to say romantic, but I once had a manager deny there was any romantic relationship because “it was only sex.”
Over time, however, the meaning of Valentine’s Day has changed. Just look at cards to parents, grandparents, kids, etc. I refuse to accept the premise that the greeting card industry is encouraging societal incest.

 

Many employees acknowledge the day too by simply saying “have a nice Valentine’s Day.” I don’t think they mean: “I want you here and now.”

 

And, some managers will bring in Valentine’s candy or other treats. I don’t think they have any sexual motive (I say, hopefully).

 

So, I am not sure it is reasonable to say Valentine’s Day has no place in the workplace  But here are 7 guard rails to consider as we approach Valentine’s Day:

 

1.  Okay to say Happy Valentine’s Day. I would avoid happy V.D.

2.  Better to say Happy Valentine’s Day to a group than an individual.  Don’t want anyone to feel singled out.

3.  Managers should be more careful if, when and how.  Perhaps respond only but don’t initiate.

4.  Managers should never said a card to a subordinate over whom they have direct or indirect authority.  Most certainly the card should not include an audio of Olivia Newton-John – I Honestly Love You (1974).

5.  Never ask anyone who their Valentine is or whether they have one, unless you want to be a defendant.

6.  Any food you might bring in can be shared without fanfare.  Don’t need to say anything. The food will speak for itself.

7.  Remember, not everyone has a “Valentine” in the traditional sense.  While not having an intimate partner is not a “protected group,” such individuals are human beings who matter.  So let’s not avoid anything that may make anyone uncomfortable, but let’s consider how people feel in how we share what may be a common bond to most.

With no sexual, romantic or other prurient intent or thoughts, Happy Valentine’s Day to all!