Tag Archives: Kindness

A Jewish Guy Who Wears a Chai Gets Personal

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I am pleased to share my latest post to The SHRM Blog.

For many years, around the holiday season, I have written cautionary tales from “The Jewish Guy Who Wear A Chai.”  Chai is the number 18 in Hebrew and means life.

This year, I was reluctant to use the title.  For the first time in a long time, I have been the target of antisemitism.  Then, there was the massacre of 11 Jews at the Tree of Life Synagogue.

Hatred against Jews is not new.  But it is increasing—there is a meteoric spike in hate crimes against Jews across the globe (both before and after the Pittsburgh massacre).

The day after the massacre in Pittsburgh, I decided to avoid the Jewish Guy theme. That was until I went to an interfaith service at my synagogue.

Even with every effort to accommodate those wishing to attend, there was an overflow crowd with people standing close to each other against the walls.  People of all faiths, races and ethnic backgrounds were there.

I heard from Jewish, Catholic, Protestant and Muslim clergy.  Political leaders from both political parties and leaders of various racial and ethnic groups who were not Jewish made sure, along with the choir of clergy, that their Jewish brothers and sisters were not alone.

I was particularly touched by the words of a Lutheran Pastor.  She said, in effect:

  1.  When anything bad happens to any of us, it happens to all of us.
  2.  When we do anything good for any of us, we do something good for all of us.

I left inspired to write this blog as who I am:  a Jewish guy who proudly wears his Chai.  I will not be cowered.

But, this year, I am not going to talk about holiday decorations or parties, as much as my sarcastic gene cries out. It is time to be more serious.

Regardless of our faith, or lack of faith, we must speak up when there is religious intolerance and that includes in our workplaces.  Here, too, silence is complicity.

But with religion, I have noted the condemnations, even if well intended, often are problematic.  To quote an article by Yair Rosenberg published in the Washington Post:

“It is impossible to recognize and fight a prejudice if you universalize it beyond all recognition.”

The attack in Pittsburgh was against Jews.  The attack in Egypt was against Coptic Christians.  We must be specific on the identities of the victims or we erase their identities.

That does not mean we should not universalize afterward.  We must.  After all, an attack on any of us is an attack on all of us.

But we must start with the identity of the victims.  So Islamophobia is not religious intolerance.  It is Islamophobia.

So, as I close, I chose my words carefully.

We have different faiths.  Some have no faith but act in good faith.

But we owe it to our employees—and ourselves—not only to condemn antisemitism and other forms of religious bigotry by their names but also to imbue the holiday season with an inclusive net of kindness.  After all, what we do good for any of us, we do good for all of us.

Kindness

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I am pleased to share my latest post to The SHRM Blog on kindness and leadership.

I like to read and re-read blogs on leadership. They are helpful reminders on what I need to keep doing (or not doing) and where there are opportunities for personal growth. Although expressed from different perspectives, the articles often cover the same attributes or competencies that we rightfully expect from good leaders.

I am struck by how often we need to be reminded to listen. Sound too basic? If you are preparing your response when someone is talking, you are you fully listening? The answer is NO, and I have to remind myself of this on a regular basis.

And, of course, we are reminded that we need to express our recognition. But, too much attention is paid to recognizing concrete accomplishments and not enough to existential recognition: acknowledging someone exists by saying hello or non-verbally recognizing their presence.

I am glad to see more articles/blogs focus on caring. If you don’t care for your employees, they won’t care for you. So, some of our caring, if we are honest, in self-serving. .

But absent from the blogs that I have read is one attribute that feels endangered in our fast-moving, highly-polarized and sometimes cruel world: kindness. By kindness, I mean warm and gentle thoughtfulness with no expectation of a return on investment.

A casual smile. Picking up coffee for a colleague. Pulling back when you know someone needs space. Leaning in when you sense someone needs to talk. Asking someone if they are feeling better. Looking the person in the eyes with attention and not agitation.

We all have heard the expression “random acts of kindness.” That we need to be reminded to do them randomly speaks to their deficit in the ordinary course.

Being kind to people means more than caring about their concerns or appreciating their contribution. It means truly recognizing the humanity of a colleague without thinking about how what you do may benefit you.

As leaders, we need to do more than perform random acts of kindness. Kindness needs to be in our DNA. That does not mean being weak. And, it does not mean avoiding hard decisions. One of the best HR people with whom I have the pleasure to work was thanked after she terminated someone. The terminated employee thanked her for her kindness.

The antithesis of kindness is bullying. When I see bullies, I see weak snowflakes – those who can feel good about themselves only when they make others feel less than them.

When I see kindness, I usually see strength, someone strong and secure enough that they can risk being and being seen as more gentle. And that leads to the ultimate question: are you strong enough to be kinder?